Coming soon to a theatre near you

Laura Linney, Lyle Lovett, Lindsey Lohan, Lorenzo Lamas

Literary

Life is love, laughter,

and most of all alliteration…

Recession Hits Home at Yellowstone

Yellowstone National Park. The haven is usually a tranquil escape for tourists to get in touch with nature. But here recently, the park has become a cauldron of muggings and car jackings, allegedly perpetrated by wolves and bears. Several tourists have been robbed at claw point for their wallets and pocket books. In some extreme cases, the fur-bearing thugs take off with the victim's car.

When a wolf was approached for comment, he disputed knowledge of any such gangs. However, he added, "But if there are, can you blame them? We're in a recession. Times are tough. It's hard to find anything to scrounge up to eat. Then families come breezing through here flaunting their riches and picnic baskets!"

The Perks of Reaching 50 Years Old

01.Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02.In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03.No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
04.People call at 9 PM and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
05.People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06.There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07.Things you buy now won't wear out.
08.You can eat supper at 4 PM.
09.You can live without sex but not your glasses
10.You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11.You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12.You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13.You sing along with elevator music.
14.Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off .
16.Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17.Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18.Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19.You can't remember where you read this list.

Thongs Used to be the Name for Sandals

The other day when I said, "Where are my thongs?" in front of my 12 year old son and his best friend, the friend blushed, thinking I was about to traipse around in a bikini.

New Idea Called Water Fountain

Can you imagine a world where you don't have to pay for or carry water? Hard to believe isn't it? But it's becoming a reality. Now, you can:

• Drink water for free!
• Move about without having to lug around a water bottle!
• Rest assured that it is as clean as bottled water, according to the FDA!

Water fountains are everywhere and more are going in with each new building. Enjoy some crystal clear water any time you want now!

Man Shot at Barbeque!

Octo Mom Pregnant Again!

That’s what the headlines will state in about another year or two when Nadia the fish-lipped psycho starts to lose the attention from the media. Since she stooped to using exponential pregnancy to become a celebrity once, she’ll no doubt do it once more.